Home?

"So where do you live?" asked my nephew Kaidin when I arrived "home" to Michigan this last Friday. "What a great question I told him." One co-missionary from the training center said that for her, home is where she lays her head at night. Last week home was at my parent's house in Indiana. Saturday night home was at my sister Kellie's place, last night home was at my brother-in-law's parent's house and tonight home is at Christine and Jason's. Next week I will have a new home and the week after that, home will be back in Indiana.

I feel as though the Lord has increased my dependency on Him going from a yearly salary at Heritage, to providing just enough each month while subbing, to now: depending on Him daily to supply a place to sleep at night. All this is very stretching for a person that hates change and struggles with feelings for nostalgia from time to time.

Change has been the one constant in my life during the last year. All of this, I presume, is preparation for the life of a missionary - changing locations, learning to function in a different language, watching members of your team come and go, being used here, being used there. In the process of learning all this I can almost literally feel chaff being burnt out of me. Then, you think you've just come out of the flames a different person only to discover that you still struggle with the same things. So back in the flames it is? More situations where I have to learn to be patient? More uncertainty so that I let go of control? More moments of opportunity to feel self-pity but choosing to rejoice?

Have you ever gone through a life-changing experience and then came home to the people and places that knew you before the change and then fell back into default mode as though you never went through the experience to begin with? While I know the truth: that outwardly we are wasting away but inwardly we are being renewed day by day; it's so easy to listen to the lies of the enemy - that I really haven't changed and that I are just the same selfish person I was before the trial. And now, I'm in a new trial, but why bother trying to change because I'll just be the same when I get out of this one too. LIAR SATAN! He who began a good work in me WILL complete it!

In all honesty, I need prayer right now. I'm tired. I'm experiencing all those transition symptoms discussed at training, and on top of that I feel like the lies from Satan keep bombarding me. I ask for prayer that I will be at peace in the midst of my life that feels like chaos right now and that I will keep my mind focused on truth.